hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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