some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize