How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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