I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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