I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
