the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
