i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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