Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
