last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
