I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
