Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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