Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
