so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Small penises have feelings too.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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