ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
