Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
