I am full of burrito and curiosity
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
