You smell like a Billy Joel song
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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