I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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