My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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