Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
