K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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