But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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