Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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