Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just want to make out with him forever
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
