Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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