I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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