When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
