it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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