Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
