nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
