you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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