we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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