i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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