i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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