I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
