Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
