Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
