Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
