also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
