last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Mom said you looked used
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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