Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
