Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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