Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
