I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
