I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
