At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Someone came in the potted fern
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
