I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
