i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
