I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
