Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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