bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
