you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
