my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
