So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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