Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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