Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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