i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
