I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
