Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
