She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
