I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize