I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
