wakey wakey hands off snakey
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
