He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
