You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
