Your tits are I can't wait for
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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