I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
