i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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