No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
