He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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