Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize