i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize