i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize