If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize