I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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