she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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