I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
